my life can be most accurately described by the sound a wet sponge makes when you throw it on the floor
i had a crush on this guy and i decided to pull a Pavlov on him by offering him whenever i saw him this brand of candy he seemed to really like and after a while whenever he saw me he got excited for a second then you could see his expression shift to wondering the why the hell was he so happy to see me and i swear it was the evilest thing but also the most hilarious i made a guy like me by conditioning him into associating me to a candy he liked
i don’t think it’s possible for baby harp seals to be more adorable if they tried:
just look at
their little bodies!
and their big eyes!!!
and the way they slide all over
and thIS ONE???
IT’S SMILING LOOK AT IT
BABY SEALS ARE PRECIOUS THAT IS ALL
A human getting pissed at their vampire boyfriend so they put in a silver sterling tongue stud and bracelets and earrings and their vampire boyfriend is just standing five feet away like “babe. c’mon.”
Vampire: “The fair is in town, maybe a date will help…”
human spends the whole time in the hall of mirrors
WE HAVE A NEW WINNER.